The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an audience and, as they are - THE - seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their checks as they begin chanting......

"Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick looking, well-dressed, well past middle-age gentleman. "Can I help you?"

The madam asked. "I want to see Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone  else..." "No, No. I must see Natalie." Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she

charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and

handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that; there were no discounts... it was still $1,000 a visit.

Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and an hour later, he left. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and to the room they went.

At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the man, "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia." "Really?" replied Natalie, "I have a family who lives there." "Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

MORAL: Some things in life are certain: taxes, death, and being screwed by a lawyer.

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes Sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.