Signs Around The World
Cocktail Lounge, Norway:
Ladies Are Requested Not To Have Children In The Bar.
At A Budapest Zoo:
Please Do Not Feed The Animals. If You Have Any Suitable Food, Give It To The Guard On Duty.
Doctors Office, Rome:
Specialist In Women And Other Diseases.
Hotel, Acapulco:
The Manager Has Personally Passed All The Water Served Here.
Information Booklet About Using A Hotel Air Conditioner, Japan:
Cooles And Heates: If You Want Just Condition Of Warm Air In Your Room, Please Control Yourself.
Car Rental Brochure, Tokyo:
When Passenger Of Foot Heave In Sight, Tootle The Horn. Trumpet Him Melodiously At First, But If He Still Obstacles Your Passage Then Tootle Him With Vigor.
Dry Cleaner's, Bangkok:
Drop Your Trousers Here For The Best Results.
Sign In Men's Rest Room In Japan:
To Stop Leak Turn Cock To The Right.
In A Nairobi Restaurant:
Customers Who Find Our Waitresses Rude Ought To See The Manager.
On The Grounds Of A Private School:
No Trespassing Without Permission.
On An Athi River Highway:
Take Notice: When This Sign Is Under Water, This Road Is Impassable.
On A Poster At Kencom:
Are You An Adult That Cannot Read? If So, We Can Help.
In A City Restaurant:
Open Seven Days A Week And Weekends.
One Of The Mathare Buildings:
Mental Health Prevention Centre.
A Sign Seen On An Automatic Restroom Hand Dryer:
Do Not Activate With Wet Hands.
In A Pumwani Maternity Ward:
No Children Allowed.
In A Cemetery:
Persons Are Prohibited From Picking Flowers From Any But Their Own Graves.
Sign In Japanese Public Bath:
Foreign Guests Are Requested Not To Pull Cock In Tub.
Tokyo Hotel's Rules And Regulations:
Guests Are Requested Not To Smoke Or Do Other Disgusting Behaviours In Bed.
On The Menu Of A Swiss Restaurant:
Our Wines Leave You Nothing To Hope For.
In A Tokyo Bar:
Special Cocktails For The Ladies With Nuts.
In A Bangkok Temple:
It Is Forbidden To Enter A Woman Even A Foreigner If Dressed As A Man.
Hotel Room Notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
Please Do Not Bring Solicitors Into Your Room
Hotel Brochure, Italy:
This Hotel Is Renowned For Its Peace And Solitude. In Fact, Crowds From Allover The World Flock Here To Enjoy Its Solitude.
Hotel Lobby, Bucharest:
The Lift Is Being Fixed For The Next Day. During That Time We Regret That You Will Be Unbearable.
Hotel Elevator, Paris:
Please Leave Your Values At The Front Desk.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
The Flattening Of Underwear With Pleasure Is The Job Of The Chambermaid
Hotel, Japan:
You Are Invited To Take Advantage Of The Chambermaid.
Hotel Catering To Skiers, Austria:
Not To Perambulate The Corridors In The Hours Of Repose In The Boots Of Ascension.
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
For Your Convenience, We Recommend Courteous, Efficient Self-Service.
From The & Quot; Soviet Weekly & Quot:
There Will Be A Moscow Exhibition Of Arts By 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters And Sculptors. These Were Executed Over The Past Two Years.
In An East African Newspaper:
A New Swimming Pool Is Rapidly Taking Shape Since The Contractors Have Thrown In The Bulk Of Their Workers.
Hotel, Vienna:
In Case Of Fire, Do Your Utmost To Alarm The Hotel Porter.
An Advertisement By A Hong Kong Dentist:
Teeth Extracted By The Latest Methodists.
Tourist Agency, Czechoslovakia:
Take One Of Our Horse-Driven City Tours. We Guarantee No Miscarriages.
Advertisement For Donkey Rides, Thailand:
Would You Like To Ride On Your Own Ass?
In The Window On A Swedish Furrier:
Fur Coats Made For Ladies From Their Own Skin.
The Box Of A Clockwork Toy Made In Hong Kong:
Guaranteed To Work Throughout Its Useful Life.
In A Swiss Mountain Inn:
Special Today - No Ice-Cream.
Airline Ticket Office, Copenhagen:
We Take Your Bags And Send Them In All Directions.
A Laundry In Rome:
Ladies, Leave Your Clothes Here And Spend The Afternoon Having A Good Time.
On a Baby product:
Extra Thick Baby Wipes (Not for extra thick babies!)
Australian Warning Sign:
Touching overhead wires causes instant death! Penalty $200.
A US advert for cosmetic surgery:
Attract Men with Larger Breasts. (A reader complained she did not want bigger breasted men!)
On hairdryer instructions:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Frozen dinner:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boots' (pharmacy chain in the UK) children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery after use.
On Nytol:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
On Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
