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Day 751 - My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Memo to self - Must try this with their baby.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
DAY 776 - I should really start today with last night's adventures. I was thoroughly unsatisfied with my food -- which of course came out of a can, completely devoid of flavor -- so I decided to show the humans I live with just how dissatisfied I was. That pillow will smell real bad any day now.
DAY 777 - Last night they watched the Coronation Street AGAIN, since they have obviously forgotten they saw it last night. I quite fancy the Coronation Street cat though.
DAY 779 - They may finally be listening to me. They bought special snacks, and a lovely new dish for my water. Mind you, they never fill my water dishes frequently enough. I want it practically running out of the tap. The half-wit dog still drinks from the toilet. I told him to. Of course, the humans are too stupid to take the hint. Bring MORE WATER.
...Or milk. Yes Milk. Been a while..
DAY 790 - The other day it was so sunny and warm so I just spent all afternoon on the porch. I like the porch. When the sun is shining it's really warm. Have not been played with in weeks. The family is on vacation, and I have to stay here. My warm spot is near the near the hydrant, so I am enduring daily insults from passing dogs.
Morons.
DAY 791 - It's Monday again. For some reason, my humans aren't particularly fond of Mondays and don't look enthused when they leave in the morning. The fat female with the chemical hair says "I'm just going to town to buy some delicious cat food for you. I'll be back real soon!". At least she is doing something important, unlike the other two.
When she returned, I tried to detect where she had the cat food she went out to buy. Oddly enough, I couldn't find any trace of it. "Where is the cat food you were going to buy for me?" I ask politely.
"Yes, yes, stop meowing, I am delighted to see you too" she answers. Huh?? I ask again and this time her answer is "Yes, you're right, it's time for your grooming".
Obviously she is so overwhelmed with relief of returning home that she can't think clearly. I have to ask again and again and again.
These people are so tiresome.
DAY 792 - A good day. Scratched the dog's nose at lunch and made the little human laugh. He seemed impressed. I may have a ally. He does not have the freedom the bigger ones have. They imprison their own young. What sickos. Peeed on the mat again to show my disdain.
DAY 794 - One of my favourite pastimes is the noble art of carpet scratching. I have been practising this since my kitten days, when dad passed on his skills and talents in this area to me. He got it from his father, so you could say that it's a family tradition.
DAY 795 - Unlike my keen sense of smell, I find it necessary to practice a lot at carpet scratching to become really good at it. I have explained this to my humans, and asked them to keep the door to the living room open while they are away. Sadly, they have ignored my demands. I wish they would be a bit more encouraging about my superb creativity and not be so obviously envious just because they don't have any talents at carpet scratching.
DAY 796 - I HAVE IT. Proof. Proof that I am truly a prisoner here. The hairless male left the door open again and I clearly heard the fat female scream at him not to let the cat out again. Geez, I only went as far as the porch. Chill out, fat bitch.
DAY 798 - One area which my humans are not so good at is food. I don't think they really understand what is best for me. Take today, for example. I woke up having dreamt of caviar and French fries. It was a very beautiful dream. To me, the dream was a signal, a premonition, that I would be served caviar for breakfast today.
I got Whiskas. Tastes like it's made from whiskers.
Probably is.
DAY 799 - I felt a strong urge of inspiration calling me today and so I went to my favourite carpet to practice my art. When scratching carpets, one has to have a "vision" of the final result, some sort of pattern in one's head. It is also important to scratch with the correct claw force, otherwise one can't reach perfection.
DAY 800 - The cat across the street is staring again. Good looking. Am waiting to be introduced. Can't communicate from this window. Am feeling strange lately. The humans are been extra careful to keep me in. WHY? I want to visit that cat. Yes. Ohhhhhhh Yesssss.
DAY 801 - Need to visit that cat. Need to. Need to. Need to. Need to.
Why won't they let me. Sick bastards. Sadists. I glare at them but they just feel me up. Disgusting. PHghh!
DAY 802 - Am examining the smokey hole above the fire as a possible means of escape. He smiled at me today. Need to visit that cat. Need to. Need to. Need to. Need to.
PLEASE.
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