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Woman - A Chemical Analysis

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Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6kg but known to vary from 40 to 200kg.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
5. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS

1. Highly dangerous, even in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to own more than one (although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact with each other).